The Mystery of Kim Kardashian’s Missing Caboose

Ever since Kim Kardashian rose from obscurity as Paris Hilton’s personal assistant & stylist, into a bonafide sex tape vendor with Vivid Video with that infamous homemade sex tape with Ray-J and then landing her family their very own reality show on E! with ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians‘. Ever since then, Kim has been known as somewhat of a “popular pariah” in setting ridiculous trends which have seemingly caught on in horrible ways in the western world.

Let’s have a quick rundown, shall we? There was the bigger and fuller lips debacle, which has seen many women go fully fledged “trout pout” throughout the West ever since, to the thick notable eyebrow trend that took the world by storm in the past couple of years, to inevitably the giant hippopotamus arse that she was once so famous for (btw, it didn’t look natural or good, did it?)

Credit: The Sun

Now that ass is long gone and we no longer expect Kim’s ass to arrive one minute after she does, and yet now she claims on Twitter that her recent weight loss of 6lbs is down to the flu, come on?!

Yes, many did realise the exact moment Kim ditched her full pillow like behind, behind, presumably removed at the surgeons office, right? We wonder what was the thinking behind sporting such a gigantic ass in the first place? Perhaps, she was commissioned by the plastic surgeons’ union to push this ass implant trend into the mega mainstream or what have you? This surely seems like the case, so now where has Kim’s ass gone to?

Was her ass abducted by aliens? Was she airlifted into the sky by a UFO’s beam, onto the operating table and instead of being anally probed by an Alien’s instrument (usual story), they simply and quite plausibly removed her ass implant for scientific research on other planets, right? Such was the “fever pitch” as to how much positive publicity Kim’s gigantic ass garnered in the press, that perhaps the aliens had really swooped in and to take a closer look, right? And yes, Ancient Astronaut Theorists say “Yes”, however, the mystery continues, as we are not quite sure that we can 100% trust these Astronaut Theorists in the first place, can we?

So, do you believe that whilst Kim had her bigger ass, that it would not prompt young and helpless teens and young adults that grew up on E! and celebrity gossip magazines that had effervescently pushed and called Kim’s ass alike to the 8th wonder of the world or something, thus causing them to insert or growing up wanting the exact same rhinoceros ass that Kim Kardashian used to have?

Once again, Ancient Astronaut Theorists say, “Yes!” However, when Kim’s ass shrunk back to a normal size, all of a sudden, the lips of Kylie Jenner had already grown to epic proportions (suits her) and seemingly by gigantic ass transfer, Kylie’s ass now looks a whole lot bigger too. But, she stopped short of going full rhinoceros, never go full rhinoceros, like Kim did. At Brainstain, we strongly believe that and we kindly remind everyone to respect your ass and cherish it, for it’s the only ass you have, so you better grow to like it.

Do you see what we see? Credit: GetWorldMedia

Perhaps, Kim handed her old ass down to the new young ass, in her half sister Kylie? But, only the surgeons know, shall we say? So, here’s another last look at Kim Kardashian’s previous ass from two angles, please enjoy! That’s XXL!

That’s quite a wide load to behold. Kanye had to push a lot of weight. Credit: PicturePush

Um, how do you say, “BIG?” However, not before countless women had presumably inserted a giant fake ass into their behind, as well, across the world? So, why did she ever have a gigantic ass implant in the first place, this is something that we will never know or quite understand, because let’s look at some newer pictures now, shall we?

Kim Kardashian recently went for dinner at La Scala in LA. Credit: DailyMail

Gone is the gigantic ass and Kim looks a whole lot better, doesn’t she? She no longer resembles a bottom heavy truck, ready to reverse into that Supermarket truck unloading bay. She now looks more natural and clearly the ass implant is long gone. Wow! But, under what delusions did she think that the previous ass implant was sexy or in anyway looking any good? Perhaps, it was mind control conducted at the surgeons office or perhaps she was encouraged to push the trend by some sort of evil ass force, right?

Dare we now say that she now looks great again? She looks much better in this natural ass state and we are surprised to find Kim Kardashian being suddenly attractive again.  Seemingly, since Donald Trump came into power, he’s not only been making “America Great Again” but perhaps he also inadvertently made Kim Kardashian’s “Ass Look Great Again”. Purely, coincidental timing, but her original ass suits her, don’t you think?

This is most definitely good news, so good that you’d almost wonder if she’s gonna’ release a sequel to that now very old sex tape, featuring her “NEW ASS” or “OLD ASS”. But please, if so? Then at least make it a good one, by having an ounce of professional angles in there or something, right? Get a proper director in there!

At Brainstain, sometimes we “crack” ourselves up here just by default, just by being “smart asses” and such, see what we did there?

So, if she claims she lost 6lbs from the flu, imagine how much heavy weight she lost when she removed that infamous “ass implant”, which she presumably claims she never had.  Where did Kim’s old ass go? Who knows? But, we welcome your comments, as we strive to solve this never-ending mystery. Since, it’s now become somewhat of a conspiracy theory to be fair, as it’s simply vanished, much like an airplane over the Bermuda Triangle, simply swallowed up into the abyss and never to be seen again.

Thankfully, now Kim and her ass will arrive simultaneously. Credit: DailyMail

At Brainstain, we love a conspiracy theory, so please tell us, “where did Kim Kardashian’s giant ass go?” Maybe, the clues are all in her Selfie Book?

We’d really like to know, but not because we miss seeing it, but because we need to do this for all and any women out there, who went out of their way and got themselves a giant ass implant, as a causation of Kim originally having one, previously. We do it for the women always and perhaps sometimes people think that we might be sexist or something, hmm?


Nope, we just like to see people respect their own ass, after all, respect the one that you were given. But, if you’re going to have an ass implant, just never go “grand canyon”, please never go “grand canyon”, just duly promise us that in advance, okay?

It just doesn’t look right and although body dysmorphia is a very real thing, you’d think people wouldn’t have it in reverse and then request an ass the size of a small country, like Liechtenstein.

So hopefully, what we are really doing here is helping to finally kill off the gigantic ass implant trend that Kim Kardashian started many years ago, but if you look at Kim now, wouldn’t you say that “that ass” looks much better now?

We’re sure that this new ass might even be able to save her marriage, but rumours are that her “union” with Kanye West is on the rocks, and with Kim’s new ass potentially being back on the market some day soon, there’ll be no shortage of suitors vying to make that ass theirs.

Finally Kim got rid of that horrendous ass, so it must feel like a gigantic weight off her hips, not shoulders.


Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator>

In this book, you might catch Her ass in “Selfish” 

Featured Photo Credit: Daily Mail

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